He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
