I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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