I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
