Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
