Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
