wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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