also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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