well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
