she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
