I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
