i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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