spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
