So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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