You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
