What a fucking waste of an outfit
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
