I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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