My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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