so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Randomize
