Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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