oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
