all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
