Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
