even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
