So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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