why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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