im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love you.
Bad choice
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
