I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
