I heard we made out
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
