I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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