I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
