Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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