oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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