I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
