so explain again why im purple
no
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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