I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
