Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
