I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
