when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
