I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
