we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
