that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
