You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
