i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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