why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
