Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
