I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
