I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
