Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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