I bet he comes in French.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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