I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
