Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
