oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
