Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
